Something Missing

Since I have a vagina, I simply can't resist the feels that come from inspiration quotes plastered on a beach-themed backdrop in the form of a perfectly square, ready to 'gram photo.

Seriously, who hasn't reposted some nonsense like that? It's a weakness. 

How many of you LITERALLY just saved one of those photos to Instagram?!

S.O. follow me @chelsealenealos

Anyway, I really think inspirational quotes are the Bible of women's lives. And we use them to justify our feelings and actions, we share them on social media as passive-aggressive peeks into our lives and hearts. 

This month, instead of hiding behind motivational quotes and memes and other internet pseudo-realities, I want to share some truth with you.

I hate being a step-mom.  I hate having step-daughters and I hate having children twice a week.

I hate it because I want more.  I want less labels and more love. Less scheduled visits and more time as a family.

Every morning, as I drive to work, I am stopped by a bus picking up elementary aged children on their way to school. At one home in particular, I see a dad help his small daughter onto the yellow machine each morning and it hurts my heart a little more each time.  I wonder what my children are wearing today? I wonder what Callie ate for breakfast?

These are the moments when you know without a doubt that life isn't fair and it never will be.  

There are smaller Things, too. When I see these beautiful girls come bounding into our driveway in clothes that I didn't choose, shoes I don't like, wearing their hair in a style I would never try. 

Hell hath no fury like a woman who can't choose her child's clothes. 

Every mom envisions, at some point, the sit down family dinners where the family shares all about their day. Mom cleans up the dishes while dad wrestles the kids. 

All I want is a night that we share dinner. 

There are wonderful things about being a step-mom.  The ability to make each day with our children more special than the next, starting new traditions and memories.  

But there are the other times, too.

I want go homes. 

I miss my moms.

My mom says you aren't my friends.

The power of a woman in the life of a child is something that cannot be measured, but the power of a child in a woman's life is a permanent reminder of the haves and have nots.