Let it Go...

I couldn't resist the Frozen reference.
As the stepmother to two little girls, Frozen is where it's at!

Today's topic is.... letting it go.
I've spent many days holding bitter words and thoughts inside, spending hours letting it churn around inside my gut.
And I'm so over it.

So today, all week really, is going to be about learning to let it go.
Because my girls deserve a happy, loving, dedicated stepmom. They learn from my mistakes, my wins and losses.

Today (Wednesday) is a day to forgive myself for my mistakes. Mistakes are really a big part of what makes us unique and what makes us human. Without mistakes and bad choices, or simply wrong choices, I wouldn't be who I am right now. And I LOVE MYSELF.
That should be the phrase that breaks the internet. I LOVE MYSELF.
Treat YoSelf... no, girl, LOVE YOURSELF!

Thursday: Letting go of resentment

Friday: Letting go of petty disagreements

Saturday: Letting go of stress caused by life

Sunday: Letting go of drama and the presence in our lives

Monday: Letting go of anger

Tuesday: Letting go of my schedule

Wednesday: Letting go of self-depreciating practices

For today... I will focus on addressing my past mistakes and how to deal with them. I vow to find one positive aspect to each "negative" situation I've been through.

I will add it to my personal diary, and blog a few of the results.

You are my accountability... see me tomorrow and we can talk about resentments.

<3 Chelsea

Christmas Break + Resolutions

Indie, almost 2, Christmas Eve

Callie, almost 7, last day of school before Xmas break

Blessed. 

I'm feeling great after a week-long visit with our girls. Callie was on Christmas vacation, so we had her overnight for a week. It was the most time we have been able to spend with her in a while, and I felt like her and I could really make the best of things and get into a routine.

I start it out on a positive note, to remind myself that I really am BLESSED. Because I had some shortcomings last week, and I was feeling pretty low. I love to journal when I'm feeling down, so I will share with you what I shared to my conscious ramblings diary.


After a bit of a battle to even have Callie overnight (even though it clearly states it in the guidelines), we finally were able to plan our week out with her nightly visits, picking her up at 5:30 and taking her home at 7:30 a.m. while we were working. We spent the week shopping with Christmas gift cards, cooking, doodling, crafting, rearranging the playroom, playing with dolls, cuddling and watching movies, etc. It was fabulous!

Thursday night, New Year's Day, we spent the whole day together playing with makeup and having breakfast on the town in the morning, and in the evening we had our final Christmas celebration with grandparents.  After playing with another round of gifts (4 Christmas celebrations and counting...), we snuggled in bed and watched Brave. At bedtime, i tucked her in and kissed her goodnight. We talked about what we wanted to dream about and our plans for the next day. I closed the door to her room, and hopped in the shower. I was in there about 3 minutes, only to hear her talking with her dad about going back to her mom's to spend the night.

Now, we never tell her that she can't do this. She can go home any time she wants, whether it's midnight (it's happened), or in the middle of the afternoon (you guessed it, happened.) So, of course, Jesse took her home at 10:30 p.m.
And I wasn't mad...not at her, anyway.

But I am mad, I was mad and I'm still a little mad, to be honest. 

Jesse and I get to be the part-time parents. We learn about her day in a period of 3 hours, we try to do homework, make dinner, play Ninja Turtles, steal kisses, watch movies... in 3 hours.
And it's not enough. And I'm being selfish. I know that.

3 hours is not enough time to really learn who your child is. We don't get to be her goodnight kiss each night, or the first person she sees each day. We spend all our time trying to find a balance of making her do things like clean her room, or help with dishes to make her a stronger person, and fun time. 

When people say the part-time parent spoils the children, this is why. Because we are forced to cram a 24 hour period of activities into the 3 hours the state somehow finds to be adequate. So, no, we don't want to spend half an hour picking up the messy playroom, or forcing her to take a nap.
 I'm mad. Mad that I spent the day treating this beautiful girl the way she should be treated, being Ms. Mommy for almost a week, and at the end of the night she will never love me as much as she loves home.

I'm jealous of how easy it is. Because, guess what. It is easy to love your children. Even when women have unplanned children, never wanted children, it becomes SO EASY to just love them. How dare I say being a mom is easy, right? It isn't. But I'm getting the feeling that being a real mom, no matter the circumstances is a bigger battle than any woman could ever fathom.

I don't do resolutions, so we will call these goals.
I took a long, hard look at myself at 10:30 that night, laying in a now empty bed, the warmth gone from the two little girls who left my bed to go home. And I realized that all I can do is continue to give love and hope to receive love in return. 

And I want my social media, my photos, my personality, my messages, my phone calls, my writing... to reflect ME. I want to document the tantrums and the tears (sometimes mine), the lies and the name calling, the strains of a relationship with stepchildren, everything. I want this to be a honest place where I can tell you all when I'm being selfish or moody.

So, for 2015 I want to...

• Take photos that represent all of motherhood, not just the beautiful picturesque mommy time
• Spend less time on selfies, more time on being selfless
• Communicate more effectively-don't be scared to show love!
• Dedicate time to people who can never repay me
• Teach our children how to love and be kind, giving women

I want to thank you all, sincerely, who have taken the time to read this. This has been my outlet in so many ways, already and I am so happy to be where I am today. If you have anything to add, or comment, feel free. Tell me about your struggles, your funny stories, your mommy moments. <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Howlidays

What I realllllllly want to talk about this week is what drama queens mothers can be. (Golden Uterus Syndrome, anyone?)

But, instead I will remind myself what a blessed holiday we had, being able to see our beautiful little girls rip through presents at 2 Christmas celebrations, knowing they had 2 others ones to go to, as well.

I work as a reporter, and recently was able to see 63 children who wouldn't have Christmas, be able to have such a thing because of the generosity of local police and community donations.

So, instead of telling you how it FINALLY all worked out that we were able to see them, just know that we had a great Holiday. And I sincerely hope that you did, as well.

I also had a friend share this article, and would love to hear your thoughts on the matter!

http://persephonemagazine.com/2014/05/dont-blame-your-kids-youre-just-a-crappy-friend/

<3

An Introduction...

My name is Chelsea.
I'm a 22-year-old multitasker who loves to read, write and consume coffee.
I'm currently employed at 4 locations, but my main full-time job is as an editorial writer for my local newspaper.
My passion is people. My days just aren't complete if I'm not interacting with new people, reaching out and helping someone. Sometimes a kind word or smile is all it takes.

But what I'm really here to talk about is my life as a mom.
But I'm not a real mom. At least, that's what complete strangers, family and friends like to point out.
I'm a pseudo-mom.
I don't have children of my own, but I do have children.

I am in a relationship with a man who isn't my husband (GASP)
and we have partial custody of his two beautiful children.

There are many reasons, I feel, that the pseudo-mom is underappreciated.
The list includes:  Ex-Wives, Birth Moms, Birth Grandparents and Family friends that feel entitled.

The great news about children is that nobody TRULY owns them. Children are a beautiful, special form of life that is fleeting and rare in its rawest form.
And because they are such beautiful beings, it leads to a tug-of-war of hearts, emotions tangling all in the quest to call them "MINE."

I'm here to tell you that I will never own these children.
These children own me.

They are my decision to stay home when I want to go out with friends.
They are the whisper that tells me to find a steady job, one that will allow time at home.
They are the broken toys, the paint on the floor, the crayons in my dog's mouth and the spirit in the home.

But these children will never be mine.
And I'm on the quest to find my place in a society that values possession over true, raw, self-sacrificing, unconditional love.

With this blog, I hope to find an outlet for my tears, fears and dreams. I hope that I can share experiences that are powerful and raw and that you will judge me. But, I also hope that many of you will find comfort in a shared experience.

Because, at the end of the day, we are all beings made up, collectively of smaller things that are shared on this Earth. I hope my stories can entertain you, and I hope these tales find you well.

Please watch for more posts, as I will update you on when, where, what I will be posting.

And if you have any suggestions, I'm open for that, too!

"Do what you want and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind." <3